Muggle London for the Wizarding Tourist
by imadoodlenoodle
Summary: As part of the final exam in Muggle Studies the students of Hogwarts are sent off on a treasure hunt in Muggle London. Paired together Ginny and Malfoy attempt to conquer the Tube, self-checkout machines, and chip-and-pin devices. Short light fic.


**This was written a rather long time ago for a last minute sub as part of a DG Forum writing exchange. Leave a review if you'd like! :)**

* * *

I had gotten used to being paired with Draco. After our big 'coming-out' where we revealed to the entire student population of Hogwarts that we were dating - via a massive snog delivered after Slytherin trounced Hufflepuff on the Quidditch pitch - the teachers had been using us as an example of inter-House unity whenever possible.

While we're on the topic of snogging Draco, can I just say for the record that he's an amazing kisser? Best guy I've ever kissed, not that I've been going around, but there was Dean and Harry. Oh, and Colin! Dean attacked my mouth with his tongue, Harry just pressed our lips together and thought that was it, and Colin . . . well, Colin just wanted to see what kissing was like and as his best friend I was obligated to help him (according to him anyway).

So, there we were, all the sixth and seventh years, sitting in one of the many unused classrooms - can it still be called unused after we had used it? - while Professor Fields handed out our 'treasure lists'. Now this was actually preparation for the NEWT exam in Muggle Studies (something which everyone has to take nowadays). Apparently part of the exam is a practical, where we have to go out, into the Muggleworld, and interact without raising too much suspicion. Fields had arranged this trip as a kind of mock exam so we hopefully wouldn't be too hopeless in the real thing.

I'm not going to lie. I thought this sounded brilliant. Away from school for the day, just hanging out and shopping. Quite a few people were complaining about this not being fair as Muggleborns would obviously have no trouble with this, but that was where Professor Fields had a brainwave.

Instead of choosing our own partners . . . wait for it . . . he would choose them for us. Of course, this sparked outrage throughout the classroom, but after a quick 'Shut up!' from Fields, everyone quietened down again.

Now most teachers would have just paired Muggleborns with purebloods, but not Professor Fields. He decided mixing up the Houses would be a grand idea, too.

This is his first year teaching. We excuse the naivety.

Now, as the only Gryff-Slyth couple, Draco and I, of course, were placed together, much to the annoyance of Ron. He wanted me spending less time with Draco, not more. In fact, as Ron was about to protest about that, Hermione got paired with Pansy and he with Miranda Hinxs (who happens to be a recent sixth year transfer, Slytherin and _Muggleborn_!), and immediately sat down, evidently conflicted. On the one hand Miranda is _gor_-geous; on the other . . . she's Slytherin and a bit bitchy, to be honest.

So, we're all paired up and everyone has a copy of our list of things to procure. The final thing? Money.

We each get given a wallet (for the guys) or a purse (for the girls). Inside there's a huge wad of paper Muggle money, some coins and these weird bendy pieces of plastic. We were told we have to use each method of payment and keep track of what we spend.

Fields continued to go on and on and on about maps and transport . . . I completely tuned out and spent the rest of the prep session day dreaming.

I'll just assume Draco was listening to anything that might have been important.

* * *

I was certainly not looking forward to this trip. I knew Ginny would—she loves this sort of thing—but me? I would rather deface all the portraits at Malfoy Manor and proceed to tell my father than go shopping for the day in Muggle London.

The week between the preparation meeting and the trip went by to quickly and then it was Tuesday again and we were lined up ready to go down to Hogsmeade where we'd take the Floo to Diagon Alley and then be unleashed in London. The first part of the exam actually began this morning, with our clothing. Instead of our uniform, we were ordered to wear casual clothing suitable for the excursion. Not having any clue what to wear (and not wishing to admit the fact to anybody else), I went for my usual fare of plain black trousers and a buttoned down shirt.

When I met Ginny just before we headed down to the Entrance Hall, she decided it was too formal and, without another word, she untucked my shirt and began unbuttoning it. Despite wishing to continue and take this moment somewhere a little more private, she stopped after two buttons and gave me a look, knowing exactly what I was thinking.

Shortly after that we met with the rest of the trip and went down to Hogsmeade.

* * *

Ginny and Draco stood at the entrance to Victoria tube station, looking lost. The mutters of commuters having to go around them 'tourists' was certainly true. In Ginny and Draco's 'country' there was no such thing as the tube.

After a couple of minutes passed and Ginny still couldn't find the information in the booklet about how to use the underground, she decided that the information didn't exist, stuck the book in her bag and declared that the trip had now become an adventure.

"This trip is now an adventure! We have our treasure list and no idea where to find these things or how to get to them. Isn't this fun?"

"Maybe for a Gryffindor," Draco darkly muttered, "but for the rest of society, the normal sane side, this would be the makings of a disaster."

"Cheer up, Draco," Ginny brightly ordered and grabbed his arm, dragging him down the stairs and into "the mysterious underworld of the underground!"

They were starting to get looks.

It turned out that walking down the stairs into the underground was the easy part; getting onto the trains was proving more difficult.

Eventually a Muggle came over to them as they stood in the middle of the station, gazing around wildly and blocking every one's path.

"Tourists?" she asked, not happily.

A quick look at her clothes revealed that she, Betty, was an 'underground transport facilitator'. Draco took that to mean she was supposed to help them, but judging from her attitude, it didn't seem to be something she enjoyed.

Seizing the excuse she had provided, Draco nodded. "That's right. Tourists. We have no idea where we are, where we want to go, or how to get there."

A mutter and a scowl was their response before Betty whisked them away to a ticket machine and began the long process of explaining the underground.

* * *

"Okay!" Ginny shouted in an attempt to be heard over the rattling of the carriage. "Betty said we have to stay on here for five stops until we reach—"

The train stopped suddenly and Ginny lost her grip and was flung to the floor. Looking up, she saw that most people were either ignoring her entirely or trying to restrain themselves from laughing.

Draco was in the latter category.

As subtly as possible, Ginny stood again . . . just in time to fall to the floor once more when the carriage doors closed and the train took off again.

"I'm just going to stay down here," she decided, sitting at Draco's feet.

"Whatever floats your boat."

"Really?" a woman standing opposite Ginny exclaimed, regarding the redhead in a mixture of shock and disgust. Have you seen the floor?"

"Tramps are always throwing up or urinating on the tube," another passenger helpfully offered.

"And someone _always _spills their drink—usually over you."

This got a rowdy cheer from the commuters.

"Honestly, I'd rather take the bus, but we all know what that's like..."

Again, this was agreed on by the carriage and soon Ginny was forgotten as the travellers began airing their transport grievances.

"_The next station is Oxford Circus, exit on the right. Please mind the gap."_

"That's our stop," Draco said and, grabbing Ginny's arm, hauled the girl back to her feet.

"Still, at least it's better than walking in the rain," the complaining of the other passengers continued.

"You can say that again. Yesterday I was coming back from—"

With one final look at carriage, Ginny followed Draco onto the platform and they were both swept up the escalators with the crowds.

The pair emerged into the bustling London street and both wished they were still on the (recently conquered) underground.

"It's so . . . _busy_," Draco remarked.

"So many people."

It was true. As both spent all their time in the Wizarding World, they hadn't realised how vast the Muggle world now was. While the Wizarding population had stayed rather steady, the Muggle one had exploded, leaving the two Hogwart's students rather overwhelmed.

Draco took hold of Ginny's hand and led her down the street. "What's first?" he asked, while keeping a suspicious eye on the people around them.

"A copy of _The Times_ newspaper," Ginny replied with a strange look. "Does that mean it's a paper with all the times in it?"

Having no idea himself, Draco took that as a logical conclusion and reasoned, "Well Muggles don't have _Tempus_, do they?"

Happy they had worked something out, the two entered the next shop, which looked like it would sell the paper. Luckily, the newspaper stand was immediately to their left when they entered.

"Lots of papers," Ginny commented as she scanned them. "Look, here's a paper just about the sun!"

"_Daily Mirror_ tells you how you're looking," Draco suggested.

"Sounds about right. We're getting good at this." Ginny picked up a copy of _The Times_. "I think we pay for this over there," she said, pointing at the short queue of people lined up along the far side.

To their dismay, paying for the newspaper wasn't as easy as expected.

"Which queue do we join?" Ginny whispered in panic.

Indeed, the two had just stumbled upon a new and wonderful piece of technology called the 'self-checkout', where you were expected to do all the work.

Seeing it had the shortest queue, and people seemed to be moving pretty quickly through the bank of four, Draco steered them towards the self-checkout machines.

"Remember to put this in our write up," he muttered. "This ought to be worth a couple of bonus points."

When it was their turn, they slowly approached the machine and stood in front of it.

"_Press Start," _the machine told him.

"Seems obvious enough," Draco said and hit the 'Start' button.

"_Please scan your first item."_

Ginny waved the newspaper in front of the machine.

"_Please scan your first item."_

"I did," Ginny replied, holding up the paper again.

"Let me have a go." Draco took the paper and, again, held it in front of the machine.

Nothing happened.

"The barcode," the person behind them pointed out, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"The what?" Ginny asked.

"We're tourists," Draco added.

The man sighed and took the paper. Turning it over, he pointed out a small bunch of black bars printed in the corner of the paper. "You have to swipe this in front of the machine."

"Oh. Well, thank you." Ginny reclaimed the paper and slowly followed the man's directions.

_Beep!_

"It worked!"

"_Place the item in the bagging area."_

Confusion returned.

"Put it in the carrier bag!" the man all but yelled behind them.

Draco glared at the man. "We're doing the best we can!" he snapped, while Ginny shoved the paper into the carrier bag and awaited her next instructions.

None appeared.

"Hit 'Finished'," Draco suggested, starting to get a hang of the touch-screen technology.

Ginny did and they were rewarded with the final screen.

"_How would you like to pay?"_

"How would we like to pay?" Draco asked.

"We should use the paper money, seeing as we're buying a paper." Ginny pulled their wallet out of her bag. "This one?" she said, holding up a purple twenty pound note.

"That'll do." Draco hit 'Cash' and fed the note into the slot, helpfully labelled 'Notes In'.

There was a clanking sound before coins were spewed forth into a dish and notes dropped down into a slot.

They shared a look before Draco leaned forward and carefully withdrew the dispensed money.

"_Thank you for shopping at Tesco."_

"Thank you for your help," Ginny replied.

* * *

The day passed by rather quickly and items on their list were crossed off with surprising ease. Of course, there were a couple of occasions where their lack of Muggle knowledge almost led to a fight between an irate and tired Draco and a confused shopkeeper.

_Placing the spatula and egg whisk on the counter, Draco watched as the man scanned them and packed them for him._

"_Did you get everything you were looking for?" the cashier asked blandly._

_Draco paused. This man could solve all their problems!_

"_No, we didn't. Do you have any of these?" he said, and handed the list over._

_After briefly scanning it, the list was returned to Draco. "No, I'm sorry we don't stock any of that."_

"_Well, then no. No we didn't get everything we were looking for."_

And then there was the time they tried to use the credit card for the first time...

"_And if you could pop your card in," the friendly Muggle said, pointing to the little device on the counter._

_Ginny stuck the card in._

"_Oops, wrong way!" The cashier removed the card, turned it around, and placed it back in the slot._

"_That's the way I did it!" Ginny exclaimed._

"_You put it in backwards. The chip has to face the front," he explained._

"_Chip? What chip? Sorry, when did we get food involved?"_

_Looking confused, the cashier opened his mouth to explain when Draco cut in._

"_It's that shiny bit at the bottom, remember?"_

"_Ooh, yes! The chip that's not a chip."_

"_If you could enter your pin," the cashier directed weakly, only to elicit surprise from Draco and Ginny._

_Ginny looked back to Draco. "I haven't got any pins! No one said to bring pins!"_

_Draco, too, was devoid of pins. It looked like they were stuck until Draco realised he was seventeen and able to do magic outside of school._

"_Have you got a matchstick I could borrow?" he asked the cashier, who handed over a box without a word, bewildered._

"_I'll only need one," Draco said, almost insulted. "It's not, after all, my first time at this."_

_With that he snuck behind a shelf and transfigured the matchstick into a pin. "Maybe those lessons weren't so stupid," he muttered._

_Returning to the desk, he handed the pin to Ginny, who in turn passed it onto the cashier._

"_Here you go!"_

_The cashier looked at the pin. "What's this?"_

"_The pin you asked for," Draco replied, a bit worried about Muggles' memory capabilities._

"_I meant your card pin, the four digit number."_

_Realisation dawned upon the pair._

"_Ooooh, that." Ginny opened the wallet and revealed the four digits stuck to the wallet's interior. With embarrassment, she typed in the numbers and hit 'Enter'._

But by the end of the day they had amassed a large group of carrier bags and a completed list. On the way back to the meeting point they even stopped off in another supermarket and picked up some sandwiches, paying for them using the self-checkout.

Draco was quite pleased with his new-found skills and actually spent half an hour, while Ginny was hunting for some pumpkin juice, scanning items for people.

"This is actually my first day doing this," he would explain, "but I'm already rather good at it."

* * *

**Thanks for reading. **


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